Caribbean Blue

"blah"- Talking
/blah/- Lyrics
////blah////- Flashback

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               The sky above Hanging-Neck Island...it was the same color as my eyes, wasn’t it?  I think he told me that once...but it doesn’t matter.  Because I can’t remember that sky.  Or him.  I can’t even remember what color my eyes are.

                                /...Eurus...
...Afer Ventus.../

The Dark Tournament is so vague to me now.  Everything that happened there is hazy, obscured in a cloud that is no doubt created of my own denial.  I don’t want to remember it.  I told myself that for so long that it just slipped away.
The Shinobi have formed again, myself included.  Reisho has recruited two new members to replace...those that we lost.  But I really don’t care.  I don’t know them, and I don’t associate with them.  And I don’t speak anymore.  I do my job when I have to, and that is all.

                             /...So the world goes round and round
                             with all you ever knew--/

Endless hours are spent sitting on my bed in the dark of whatever room I currently call home; we never stay anywhere for long.  It’s so quiet and still, and I can hear the spiders spinning their cobwebs in the room’s shadowy corners.  I don’t see them, though.  I don’t open my eyes here anymore.  Why would it matter?  It’s dark either way...

                            /They say the sky high above
                            is Caribbean blue... /

////“Touya, come down here and meet our new sect member.“
I did not come down from my bed, just staring impassively at him.
The unfamiliar demon standing next to Reisho frowned slightly and Reisho’s eyes flashed with annoyance.
“Since when do you disobey me like that?  Hm.  Jin always did that.  ‘Honoring’ his memory by being a damn pest, now are you?” He smirked.
My entire body tensed when I heard that name...I never wanted to hear that name again...  Something hot prickled at the corners of my eyes, but I didn’t care.  I hopped down to the floor and glared up at Reisho, but all I managed to choke out was, “...Don’t.”
Reisho frowned. “Don’t what?”
“...Don’t...say his name.”
An ugly scowl was painted on Reisho’s face as he snapped, “And why shouldn’t I say Jin’s name?  It’s his own fault he died.  After all, he was just a damn stupid, belligerent upstart who-“
“SHUT UP!!!” My eyes were wide and tears were pouring down my cheeks, but I barely noticed through my anger. How dare he say something like that about him now!   
The unfamiliar demon just looked confused. “Jin?  Who’s that?”
“NO ONE!!!  HE’S NO ONE!!!” I screamed, dropping to my knees and pounding my fists into the floor. “HE---NEVER---FUCKING---EXISTED!!!!!”////

I remember screaming at Reisho like that, but...it’s strange.  I know that he said his name...but...  I clench my fists a little tighter as I realize that I can’t remember it.  I can’t remember his name.  I didn’t want to hear that name again, but I don’t remember why...

                               /...if every man says all he can,
                               if every man is true, /

Why?  Why do I do this to myself?  I remember why.  I don’t want to remember...but I do.  It’s because he’s gone.  He’s gone and he’s never coming back.
...I just don’t remember who he was.  I can’t...recall that name.

/Do I believe the sky above
is Caribbean blue...?/

I successfully block out these memories during the day, but I relive that day, my worst day, every night in my dreams.  I had already suffered a humiliating and painful defeat, and I had lived.  I had asked for death; my dream had been shattered, so why not my body as well?  But it had been denied to me.  And I had to watch his.  
The scene plays through my head while I sleep, like a video tape that gets a little fuzzier every time I unwillingly view it.  It may fade, but I will always see one thing...that hole.  That awful, gaping hole running straight through his chest where a spirit gun had ripped through it.  The horrified look on Urameshi’s face as his opponent fell gracefully from the sky grows more blurry, until I can’t even tell it’s there.  The blood that stained the ground around him fades away until I can’t even see it.  The happy laughter that mingled with the blood spilling from his lips as he died echoes in my ears until only silence is left.  And the face that I loved so much, framed by flame-red hair that blended perfectly with the blood that pooled around him, is gone.  I can’t remember it...  All I see is a nameless silhouette... and then only that horrible, dark hole remains.  And no matter how much I try to wipe that from my memory as well, it will not leave me.

                                  /...Boreas...
                                  ...Zephryus.../

A soft breeze ruffles my hair, and I curse under my breath for having left the window open.  My hand reaches out to close it but pauses.  I...can hear the wind.  It whispers a name that can barely be heard, but I know is audible to one who would listen.  It is...that name.  I bury my head in my arms, blocking out the sound, and allow the winds to swirl mournfully around my small figure.  I can sense that they feel my pain, though I’m not really sure why.

/...If all you told was turned to gold
if all you dreamed was new,/

But in the end, there is really no one to feel my pain for me.  I have to face it all on my own.  But I cannot...I will not.  It is far too late for that now.  I hardly even know why I feel pain anymore.  The only memories I have left of that time are of a nameless and faceless figure with flame-red hair and of a melodious laugh that echoes in my ears in the cold stillness of my room.  But I don’t know who it belongs to anymore.

/imagine sky high above
in Caribbean blue.../

////Reisho walked in and scowled at me, inquiring coldly, “Are you thinking about Jin again?!”
My eyelids fluttered open, and I looked back down at him and asked, puzzled, “...Jin?  Who...is Jin?”////

And, at that moment, I knew I had succeeded.  I had done it.

...I’d forgotten completely...

/...Eurus...
...Afer Ventus.../

...And I didn’t want to remember.

/...Boreas...
...Zephryus.../

But still...even now, it sometimes bothers me...

Someone once told me that my eyes...were the same color as the beautiful sky above a nameless island...

/...Africus.../

...And I can’t help but wonder who it was.

*~*~*~*~*~*