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November 19, 2011
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Sand and Music

He feels he cannot walk another step, until he does.  The next step is the same, and the next, and he has stopped counting the sunsets and sunrises because measuring eternity has no purpose.  He has wandered an eternity already, carrying his small harp for some indeterminable, compulsive reason, because it will be years before he can play again, if ever, and the sand blows into his eyes and into his throat as he sings.  His hands are burnt and scarred and his voice is hoarse, and he wants to rip the strings from the taunting harp and scream, but he is unable to do either because it hurts too much.

Every muscle that has been on fire begins to numb from sheer fatigue, and he feels that he will die without food but is too weak from walking to fish or hunt- but then, Maitimo survived thirty-some years without food, didn't he- and now he is thinking of Maitimo again and he swore to himself that he would not think of them right now.  Just for a little while, he needs to be free of them but it is impossible, and the music begins in his head again and threatens to burst from his very heart if it cannot escape through his ruined hands and exhausted voice.  There is an impotence born of this forced silence that only a musician can understand- he feels useless, he is useless, but maybe that is for the best, because he has seen the destruction those hands caused and has all but forgotten the beauty that came before it.

The music weaves itself into images, ghosts of people, and the dead eyes of the Teleri and Sindar slain by Noldorin hand are everywhere, and they seem to demand that he sing their names again, and he begs forgiveness, that he cannot do it anymore, not today, the sounds will not come.  Atar is there- but of course he is there, where else would he be- and there is an air of disapproval about him no doubt brought on by this skeletal apparition with paper-thin skin, this wraith who was once his son, is still his son, the only one left.  A change comes in the music and there are his brothers, each with his own theme, weaving together in a cacophony of loyalty and death and joy and pride.  The horrible sand blows into his eyes and he blinks and they have disappeared, carried away by the wind, but the song moves ceaselessly through his veins like blood, and it is only because of the sand in his eyes that he is crying.

He had a wife once, and it almost makes him laugh, because she is the one he thinks of least.  He does not think of whether she waited for his return, or of the children he might have had if he had stayed, because those options were taken from him centuries ago- if indeed they ever existed, and his doom was not set in stone or in tapestry from the very start.  But today it seems as if no ghost, dead or living, real or just possible, will leave him be, and there they all are, their images stitched into the never-ending song playing in his mind.  Her face is blurred because he barely remembers it, and the children- for there are children- have no faces at all, but he feels that they are his and for a moment he loves them, and then they are gone again.  They fade back into sand and music as if they never existed, which is appropriate because they never did.

He is unsure at exactly what moment he gives up and allows himself to fall, but it is close to the moment that darkness begins to numb his mind to match his body, and he gives himself over to the embrace of the warm sand and the sleep he has not allowed himself in so very long.  He will sleep, there on the beach, and if the tide washes him out into the arms of Ulmo, and from there to Mandos, then he will not be sorry.  But if it does not he will wake and begin to walk once more, and sing with voice renewed by rest, until use and grating sand wear it down again.  The only constants as time passes are the sand and the music, and the lingering ghosts, and if he wakes, they will be there, and they will keep him company into unmeasured eternity.
Title: Sand and Music
Fandom: Silmarillion
Notes: Not putting a mature label or anything, but fair warning, this isn't a happy piece of writing (then again, is anything I write ever happy? XD). Written in...under an hour, maybe, which is absurdly fast for me. It kind of just decided what it wanted to do and did it.

About Maglor the Wanderer, of course, which seems to be a theme for several of us lately. Rather angstier than I usually go for, but it was fun to write. Largely inspired by doing some Maglor inspired piano improvisation, and recording it and listening to it back (I wish I could post audio on DA, I want to turn it into a full piece and record it...), and also of course by drawing him. I've always subscribed to the notion that his mind started to go after a while, though in the state of exhaustion he's in here, most people aren't quite rational...

RUN ON SENTENCES ARE INTENTIONAL. Please no critique of my grammar, it isn't intended to be correct. Written as a sort of stream-of-consciousness type of thing, except not in first person.

(Note, before anyone asks: in HoME, Maglor is given a wife, though she has no name or otherwise described character.)

Maglor (c) Tolkien
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:iconask-femkorea:
Ask-FemKorea Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2013  Student Filmographer
I love this! I've always felt sorry for poor Maglor, and snap him out of it, tell him it's ok
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:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
So very, very sad...but I love this. (Even though it makes the Maglor in my head start demanding a happy fic again...right after I finally shut him up...) Anyways, I love this so much! :D Even though it makes me want to cry...poor Maglor. Especially the bit about Feanor, which made me want to shake him and yell that his father loves him...
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2011
Thanks. :D (Haha then write it, god only knows he needs one. XD)
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:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome. :D (He does...on the bright side, at least I finally wrote a story where he isn't mad with grief/loneliness...even if I've yet to write the Elladan and Elrohir kidnap and bring him to Valinor fic...)
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2011
(Haha true, you did. XP And you should write that one. ;P)
Reply
:iconladybrookecelebwen:
LadyBrookeCelebwen Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
(It's a miracle! ;p Lol, I should, but first...I have to get caught up *digs deeper into messages*)
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:iconglorrosaelin:
Glorrosaelin Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Heart-wrenching. It seems so very realistic. You have an absolutely beautiful writing style. I'd love to see more stuff like this. :heart:
Maglor is a theme lately... But a good theme. ;p
Oooh! I'd love to hear that piano improve. Maybe you could post it on youtube?
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2011
Thank you so much! :) Hopefully there will be more stuff, both like this and in general.

Hehe, indeed. :)

Really? I don't know that I want to put it on youtube, but I did e-mail it to Resto and Earwen, if you really want to hear it. I want to develop it into more of a complete, structured piece, so maybe I'll post it when I'm done (I think it's stupid that you can't put audio files on DA, composing music is art too...).
Reply
:iconglorrosaelin:
Glorrosaelin Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You're welcome! ;p I'm looking forward to the prospect of it... :D

Oh, that would be fine! It would be cool if you did that; composing music can be hard. (You used to be able to until about two years ago, I think. I don't know why they took away that ability though....)
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:iconembrethil:
Embrethil Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Maglor is definitely a theme lately. Maybe I should write something too...
This is amazing. It seems so real.
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