Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconavi17: More from avi17


Featured in Collections

Words, words, words... by Kublakhan27

Literature by Winnie1996

Literature by tatterdema1ion


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
April 21, 2007
File Size
738 bytes
Thumb

Stats

Views
5,349 (1 today)
Favourites
92 (who?)
Comments
61
×
Like twisting wires our fingers now entwine
Our speech so soft the wind canít overhear
His whispers somehow more sincere than mine
I realize I donít want to be this near

He says that he adores my every trait
Is sure he sees no other god than me
My fondness for him simply canít equate
A shallow pool against his endless sea

I love him, wish him only happiness
As sister might to brother or to friend
His feelings suffocate me, I confess
Too guilty now to bring about the end

The fault we two companions canít ignore
In love, and yet one loves the other more.
Written for my English class. The assignment was pretty simple- write a sonnet, keeping as close to the form as possible. 14 lines, 10 syllables per line, alternating rhyme scheme with couplet at the end, iambic pentameter and all. Blargh. Actually, it wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be once I got going. I ended up writing about something I was feeling a few weeks ago (that's all I'm saying- to the person this is about, you know we've fixed things since then).

You know, this is the first piece of rhyming poetry I've ever written that I actually liked. O.o
Add a Comment:
 
:iconschattendesmondes:
schattendesmondes Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2015  New member Hobbyist General Artist
I love this! I know the exact feeling that's described in this sonnet. Except I hated him, I didn't come to realize I liked him ._.
Reply
:iconbook-fish:
book-fish Featured By Owner Mar 11, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
I have the same assignment and this is really amazing awesome job!
Reply
:iconkumi-yumi:
Kumi-Yumi Featured By Owner Mar 9, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
Beautiful! It flows nicely C:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"Like twisting wires our fingers now entwine" I love that line. I think it embodies the whole poem perfectly.
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012
Thank you so much! :)
Reply
:iconperpetualsunrise:
PerpetualSunrise Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
I think this was very well written and I'm glad you actually liked it because I sure did. This poem hits pretty good close to home with a relationship of mine in the past. I think you captured it very well! Esp about the suffocating part. Bravo and hope all is okay with your relationship.
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner May 15, 2012
Thank you very much! :) I'm glad that you can identify with it (though the feeling sucks). Haha, well, I wrote this five years ago, so that relationship is LONG over, but thanks. ;P
Reply
:iconmistyentertainment:
MistyEntertainment Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012
This is awesome
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2012
Thanks! :)
Reply
:icondeinktvis:
deinktvis Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2011  Student Writer
nice! not a big sonnet fan, but this is very well constructed!
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2011
Thanks. :)
Reply
:iconpuppyface13:
puppyface13 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011
May I use this for my poetry book for ELA?
Like for a sonnet example
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2011
What is ELA? And yeah, sure, as long as you credit me. Glad you like it. :D
Reply
:iconpuppyface13:
puppyface13 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011
Thank you and I will
English/language arts
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011
Haha that's what I thought. :D I actually wrote this for an English class. XP So yeah, as long as you credit me, go for it. :)
Reply
:iconpuppyface13:
puppyface13 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011
I did and it is really good too :)
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2011
Thanks. :)
Reply
:iconpuppyface13:
puppyface13 Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2011
welcome ^^
Reply
:iconbearcandy1128:
bearcandy1128 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
This is absolutely amazing. I can connect with it unfortunately well. I'm so impressed that you could do this. I have to write a sonnet for my English class as well and it's not going well at all. I can't even decide on what to write about and alternating the rhymes and keeping ten syllables a line is a nightmare. If he said free verse, I could make an amazing poem with ease, but following these rules is very difficult for me. It's due tomorrow and I have nothing. But enough of that, superb job and I love the piece! ^^
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2011
Thank you so much! :D I wish I knew what advice to give you that could help you out, but the structured writing actually came rather easily to me. I tend to ramble a bit in free verse sometimes, so the strict limits make me organize my thoughts and pare them down to the essentials. You have to have your subject matter first though- the way I tend to do it is to write that last rhyming couplet first, and then work backwards. You could give that a try and see if it helps at all. Good luck with your assignment!
Reply
:iconlpl5:
lpl5 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2011   Digital Artist
WELL DONE! :D
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2011
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconheath1010:
heath1010 Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
this is beautiful. I love poetry.
Reply
:icon4everisntlongenough:
4EverIsntLongEnough Featured By Owner May 5, 2011  Hobbyist Photographer
This is sooo beautiful! I have to do a similar project but sooo clueless, i only hope my outcome can compare in the least to this!
Reply
:icontwilight-kisses:
Twilight-Kisses Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2011
This perfectly expresses the way my last relationship was. I'm impressed that you could put it into words so well. It's beautiful ^^
Reply
:iconfreaky-emo-love:
Freaky-Emo-Love Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2010
amazing.
I hate sonnets though. xD
Reply
:iconkrazikarzi:
krazikarzi Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2010   Writer
Aw! AWESOME!
Reply
:iconagoodwritingaddict:
Agoodwritingaddict Featured By Owner May 23, 2010
I love sonnets!! Very good!!! :D
Reply
:iconvividrose:
vividrose Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2010   Writer
it's very good, i really liked it.
Reply
:iconsandalhat16:
sandalhat16 Featured By Owner Nov 4, 2009
People who can write sonnets...are beast mode at poetry.
Reply
:iconday-dreamer07:
Day-Dreamer07 Featured By Owner Oct 8, 2009
DO you know off hand what form of Sonnet this was?
I guess I'm only familiar with italian: 16 lines in total, 8, a "turning point" of another 6, and then a couplet at the end to conclude.

The Rhyme scheme is also much more convoluted...your assignment looks easier than mine was. ^_^
Reply
:iconzhaneaugustine:
ZhaneAugustine Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
sonnets are cool!
Reply
:iconsomberokami:
somberokami Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2009
Oh man, that hit an old wound of mine. ><;
Great job.
Reply
:icondefnotedizzle:
DefnoteDizzle Featured By Owner Feb 11, 2009
OH EM GEEEEE You use the word blargh? aww that makes me sad :(

I love the sonnet.. its awesome:)
Reply
:iconnoodles666:
NoodLeS666 Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2009
WOW, this is a Boss piece of literature, i love how real it is - also, hah, I just analyzed it for my intro. to poetry class - we had to bring a modern sonnet, and I don't know many modern sonnet writers.
Reply
:iconairixaram:
AirixAram Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2009
This is really good...yea right now in one of my classes we are doing the same thing....its really difficult for me...i've got i think 8 out of the 14 lines done...lol
Reply
:iconyournameinvain:
yournameinvain Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2009
Great job. Worth of a fave!
Reply
:iconcitrusgirrl:
citrusgirrl Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2008
absolutely love this! i wrote my first two sonnets yesterday and really like the form - you've done a great job:-)
Reply
:iconeinjil:
Einjil Featured By Owner Nov 15, 2008
amazing poem!
Reply
:iconthe-mighty-pillow:
the-mighty-pillow Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2008  Hobbyist General Artist
Amazing, i love how you ended it

id say you did a brilliant job XD

nice one
x
Reply
:iconstaticaftertaste:
staticaftertaste Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2008
That was amazing! I can feel it :clap: :clap: :clap:
Reply
:icongrimhilde:
GrimHilde Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2008
This is absolutely fantastic! do you by any chance go to Lake Mary High School? Because I had the same exact assignment.
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner May 22, 2008
I don't, but I think it's a pretty common assignment.

And thanks!
Reply
:iconthedarkestwhite:
TheDarkestWhite Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2008  Student Photographer
ahhh! Simply beautiful! I'm speachless. This is amazing, its like describing how I felt with my ex boyfriend. Hmm anywho, I love this. So faving!
Reply
:iconkarcx:
Karcx Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2008
haha, i'm doing this assignment now... looking for inspiration. i like this a lot and unfortunately i understand that feeling.
Reply
:iconkordi:
Kordi Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2007
You know, this is the first piece of rhyming poetry I've ever written that I actually liked.
xD; I'm almost inclined to agree--although I'd say it with regards to rhyming poetry on the whole. It comes pretty darn close. It tells a story without disgusting embellishment or awkward phrasing. Poetry I can tolerate. <_< Avi, that's impressive.
Reply
:iconavi17:
avi17 Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2007
XD Thanks, hon.
Reply
:iconapathogen:
Apathogen Featured By Owner May 16, 2007
i love this... well done english sonnets are awesome, and this one is great. i like the message as well - well thought out and well expressed.
Reply
:iconshadowoflightning:
ShadowofLightning Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2007   Writer
I suck at rhyming! :worship:
Reply
:iconamadia:
Amadia Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2007
Really good! I can write sonnets but like rhyming stuff i've done isnt all too good!
Reply
Add a Comment: